Misunderstandings

I've just experienced one of the hardest weekends of my life. I have a very dear friend, and since we go to different schools, the way we best communicate is through text. He is a very busy person, with work, taking care of his siblings, and homework...a lot of the time, it takes a while for him to respond. I totally understand that. Recently though, he wouldn't respond at all. At first, I told myself over and over that he was just extremely busy and he would get back to me when he could.

After a week, I started to get uneasy.

A text with my worries and thoughts was intended for a different friend... unfortunately, I didn't realize I had sent it to Ryan (yes, we are calling my very very busy friend 'Ryan') instead. He responded with an angry text, telling me he was so happy that I thought of him that way, and then said goodnight. I was afraid that would be the last time he'd say that to me.

Mortified by my mistake, I got up, left the house, and started to walk to the restaurant that he was currently working at. A ten mile walk, at 11pm. I made it one mile before getting a horrible feeling...I tried to ignore it and keep going, but it got stronger and stronger, so...I turned around and went home. I couldn't stop crying the whole way. I had lost my closest friend.

Today (Sunday), I waited and waited for a text from him, a text I knew wasn't coming. I finally decided to make Snickerdoodles, his favorite cookies, and make him a card explaining things from my point of view. It was a dumb little card with a sad puppy on it (I acknowledged that I knew it looked dumb. Maybe that helped a little?). I went to his house, left them on the doorstep, knocked, and left. I had parked down the street, and I walked to my car, crying once again. Deep down, I was hoping that he would run after me and talk to me. Silly storybook endings...of course it didn't happen.

2 hours went by. No call. No text. No evidence that he had gotten the apology. Finally - a vibration from my phone. He had texted me. An apology of his own.

We've decided that we're still friends. We both messed up, and we're both forgiven. Honestly...I still feel sick. I've never been so upset before...ever. The worst part is...this was all my fault. I hurt him without even meaning to...and I'll never be able to take any of it back.