Bigger Brother

I have a bigger brother. No, he's not older than me, and no, he's not actually related to me...but we act like brother and sister all the time. Sometimes during class, we'll hit each other while the teacher isn't looking and see who can last the longest xD

He makes me so happy...and when I'm not so happy, he knows what to do to make things alright. He knows when I don't want people to talk to me, and he knows when I need a shoulder to cry on. No matter who's around, no matter what he's doing...he makes time for me. I don't know if he fully understands how much I appreciate him. He's the perfect friend.

When I first met him, the kid had red contacts in. Doesn't that just spell out 'perfect'?

So many things to say...I'm gonna miss him. He graduates this year, and he might go off to basic training for the National Guard this summer...I look at this picture, and I'm happy. That was such a fantastic day. We were having a chugging contest with rootbeer. Around 7 people competed. It was so funny xD

You can't do random things like that with just anyone.

I have so much to thank him for. He's helped me through so much these past 3 years, making the bad times tolerable and the good times better. He's filled my life with hope, happiness, and laughter...true laughter. He is so skilled at bringing me joy. I wonder if he knows that?

Your little sister loves you, bigger brother. Never forget that :)

Misunderstandings

I've just experienced one of the hardest weekends of my life. I have a very dear friend, and since we go to different schools, the way we best communicate is through text. He is a very busy person, with work, taking care of his siblings, and homework...a lot of the time, it takes a while for him to respond. I totally understand that. Recently though, he wouldn't respond at all. At first, I told myself over and over that he was just extremely busy and he would get back to me when he could.

After a week, I started to get uneasy.

A text with my worries and thoughts was intended for a different friend... unfortunately, I didn't realize I had sent it to Ryan (yes, we are calling my very very busy friend 'Ryan') instead. He responded with an angry text, telling me he was so happy that I thought of him that way, and then said goodnight. I was afraid that would be the last time he'd say that to me.

Mortified by my mistake, I got up, left the house, and started to walk to the restaurant that he was currently working at. A ten mile walk, at 11pm. I made it one mile before getting a horrible feeling...I tried to ignore it and keep going, but it got stronger and stronger, so...I turned around and went home. I couldn't stop crying the whole way. I had lost my closest friend.

Today (Sunday), I waited and waited for a text from him, a text I knew wasn't coming. I finally decided to make Snickerdoodles, his favorite cookies, and make him a card explaining things from my point of view. It was a dumb little card with a sad puppy on it (I acknowledged that I knew it looked dumb. Maybe that helped a little?). I went to his house, left them on the doorstep, knocked, and left. I had parked down the street, and I walked to my car, crying once again. Deep down, I was hoping that he would run after me and talk to me. Silly storybook endings...of course it didn't happen.

2 hours went by. No call. No text. No evidence that he had gotten the apology. Finally - a vibration from my phone. He had texted me. An apology of his own.

We've decided that we're still friends. We both messed up, and we're both forgiven. Honestly...I still feel sick. I've never been so upset before...ever. The worst part is...this was all my fault. I hurt him without even meaning to...and I'll never be able to take any of it back.

The End of a Childhood

As a child, we always imagine adulthood as this great and magical thing - we can do anything! We choose when bedtime is, we can eat whatever we want, and our parents no longer get to tell us what to do.

Why do we have this dreams? Because sometimes, childhood seems impossible. Tears fall because you missed your favorite cartoon. The world ends because your crayon snapped in half. In this picture, I was probably upset because I ended up having to use the pink bag (which also happened to be the smallest) while hunting for eggs.

As we get older, these dreams become less and less beautiful. You start staying up late because you can, and your parents usually don't care. You are able to make your own food. You can drive places, you have friends to waste hours and hours with...eventually, the magical world of our childhood has disappeared.

Turning 18 snuck up on me. I knew it was coming. I dreaded it coming. Suddenly...it was gone. I was 18. I was an adult. Are there more freedoms? I guess so. In all honesty, there isn't much of a difference. Well, I guess I look a little older, huh? ;) There are a lot of times where I wish to relive my childhood. I would cherish it so much more than I did...appreciate the hardships I had then. The friends, the classes, the memories...I will forever miss my early years, but now it's time to move on.

The world needs me, and I need the world.

Family

Sometimes, it's hard to be part of a family. With my parents, 3 sisters, and 3 brothers...I know that all too well! The fights, the mess, the crying, the arguing, and the general sibling rivalry can be a lot to handle, especially when both parents work full time. We're left alone to fend for each other.

It's amazing how close we are.

I'm one of those teenagers that depends more on my friends than I do on my family. Recently, though, my friends have been so incredibly busy...and I've felt so incredibly alone. My older sister and I have that weird kind of relationship where, left to ourselves, we're the best of friends, but around others we don't talk much. My oldest brother and I tease each other all the time, but he has a very thin line between what's alright and what's not. A lot of the time, we'll be cool and all of a sudden he'll be sullen and pissed and won't tell me why. I've been telling them so much lately, and we understand each other so much better. The four youngest give me such joys and such hardships...it's hard not to love/hate them! They are the sweetest things in the entire world, and I love having them around, cheering when I come home because I don't have to do something after school.

I would be lost without them. I wouldn't be me if it weren't for them. We may hate each other at times, but at the end of the day...we're family, and we always will be.